Once again, I have the same old sinking feeling in my heart. It hurts, no doubt, but there is nothing much I can do about it. I really wonder what's the point of this. Why am I still holding on to this thing. Might as well give up. From the moment my parents convinced me that it was the right choice to put NPCC as my top choice as a cca, I have never regretted it. Till recently, well, that is, starting from 2010 June onwards. That was when everything went in a downwards spiral. First, It was PIR. I screwed it up badly, I suppose. Not blaming Mr Tan, but he made the CIs make sure that Darren and I would never have a chance to be in the 'big 4' position. At that time I had the same old sinking feeling in my heart. But now, I have gotten over it. I am even glad that that happened. Then when the results came out, I was rather happy. I got the role of Weapons Training Field Instructor, Secondary Three Squad NCO and Head, Publications Department. I couldn't ask for more.
But alas, unlike a fairytale story where everything ends perfectly, in the case of my story, or life. It did not. Apparently, CIs think that I'm not up to the standard of becoming an NCO. So, I was just a stand-in NCO. I couldn't say how sad I was. But it wasn't long before I ranted about it online. And since walls have ears, or in this scenario, anything put online is open to the public eye. CIs saw my rant. And this was when I had a little chat with one of the CI. Yay. So he encouraged me, told me not to give up, bla bla bla. Shortly after, another CI talked to me again. Telling me to be strong etc. bla bla bla. Same old tale. Well, to be honest, I cried quite a few times. Okay, correction, not just a few times, a lot of times. But anyway, back to the point, I felt the exact same sinking feeling that I'm feeling right now as I am typing out this post. And believe me, this feeling affects me more than anything I could imagine. The sinking feeling stayed in my heart for like, the entire month after the event happened. The event of me, not making it to a NCO position, that is.
So I was told that my actions will be monitored. Every. Single. Action. Will. Be. Monitored. Yay me. But I still did not give up. I still had the passion in me.
Let's just say things went pretty well from then on. When I say pretty well, I meant, I manage to save myself from certain CIs' wraith of fury. Managed to NOT get another 'demotion'
You can probably guess where is all this going. Well, I managed to not incur the wraith of the CIs until now. (: I'm SOOOO happy.
So here's the deal. Apparently, by not attending some PT regime, I have subjected myself, my soon to be ex-Exco, and my Unit in danger. Grave danger. Apparently, they think that I'm skipping the PT sessions. Yay me. Here's my side of the story.
Once upon a time, somebody, let's just say his name was Scott. Scott asked me, well apparently I am the squad messenger. Volunteered myself to send SMSes to like 40+ people. Every single time our squad needs to be notified of something. Can't believe I did that. Scott asked me to ask my squad about their 'calculated' NAPFA results. Well, he have to collate the data for a certain CI, you see. So I said, I got bronze. Tada the next thing I know, "All cadets who got bronze will have to attend a PT training session twice weekly during the November/December holidays' Oh no. I'm in it. Well, a few days past. I received my report book. First thing I checked, napfa results. I got a N/A. So, I went to ask Scott, "hey, do people who got N/A as a napfa result have to go for the PT sessions?" Nope was the reply. Okay.. So, I did not attend the PT sessions, as I had a N/A in my report book. Well, they collated the list with the names BEFORE the report book was out, that means, the list of people who were chosen to go to PT sessions were chosen based on what their 'calculated' results were. So, I was in that list. But I did not turn up.
Part 2:
I was in the list. I did not turn up. CIs were mad at me. yay. and now, here's the deal. If Scott can't give a good enough reason to one particular CI, I will be STRIPPED. of my position as a stand-in NCO. Yay me. and other than that, I will be suspended of my position as a head of publications department. Awesome isn't it? For somebody who have put so much effort into the CCA he likes, He's like the guy who gets treated the worst.
That's my rant for now. I mean, the reason behind the sinking feeling I have in my heart right now. Another thing though, If you chanced upon this blog, and you have been bored enough to read this entire chunk of rant from me, leave a comment in the tagboard. I would like to hear from you. Oh and PS: I'm risking myself. If any, and I do mean any, CIs manage to find out about this post, I will be more dead than a dead man I am now already. (: Cheers to you Blog.
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@ 12:45 AM
Don't let me go -